I have run across some people who look at me funny when they see how completely my life has changed since my encounter with Jesus. I have caught glimpses of questions like "Why are you trying so hard?" "Can't you do one thing without making it about God?" Honestly, I have a hard time talking to some people now. I want to talk about Jesus and all the amazing ways He is showing up everyday. Many people don't want to talk about Jesus..."Christian" people. At times I find myself trying to forget about Him so I can have a "normal" conversation, then when it is over I am convicted of the fact that I said something stupid, ridiculous and should just in fact shut up and stick to talking about Jesus. When I fall back into those old habits of commiserating about daily life, I fall back into old ways of speaking and I hate doing that. It just feels bad. I can't find a balance here... is there even suppose to be one? I'm not sure...
What I can say is this. Once you have felt the glory of being in the presence of Jesus, many things just don't matter anymore. While at times, I do find myself getting caught up in the frustrations of daily life now I have fresh eyes to see them through. I see that they are tricks of satan. satan would like nothing more than for me to REACT to all those frustrations with yelling, anger, resentment and self pity, but I refuse. I see them for what they are... the only thing a defeated foe has to throw in my path... his attempt to make me stumble. Oh how he would love for me to yell at my children, to really rip into them and tear them down. he wants them destroyed, and he wants it to be by my own hand. The same goes for my husband. It is so easy to find fault in him and with his ways when satan's army is whispering in my ear. God tells us that satan comes to kill, steal and destroy and that he is the father of all lies. satan wants nothing more than to destroy my family, to rip us apart and destroy our testimonies by making us act in ways unbecoming a follower of Christ.
Now I am not interested in getting all caught up with thinking of satan in all things, but I do believe that if we deny his presence and influences we are not able to recognize him and stand against him. he distracts me while I pray and worship, whispers all the things I should find wrong in other people and while it is not always easy (nor am I successful at) standing up against his tricks, I find that just recognizing the source of all those things helps. Just when I am about to boil over in the midst of a string of frustrating events (like a 1 minute span including shaking an open container of pancake mix all over the kitchen and myself, burning my hand, child #2 calling me to me from her room, husband telling me oops just dropped your important paper into the abyss inside the crack of the computer desk- not that that has happened to me), my main goal is to turn my heart on Jesus and beg for his grace and mercy to be poured down on me anew and take it all away.
"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed to us." Romans 8:18
One day when we fall at the feet of our Savior in heaven, I am assured that none of this will even matter. In the presence of His love that is so powerful and all consuming, we will be only be able to worship in awe. I cling to that small glimpse of it that He gave me and long for the day when I will again feel that burning joy in my heart... that joy that surpasses any other earthly emotion... that joy that is not even describable with human understanding. God tells us that the earth is but a shadow of what is awaiting us in heaven. Think of the desperate love we feel for our children, and know that love is only a shadow of the love that our Father in heaven feels for us. A shadow of what He feels for us!!!! I think about that and even having felt a fraction of it, I still can't really comprehend it. All satan has in this world to take our eyes off the prize of Jesus' love are his puny darts of frustration, taking offense, anger, etc. and really in comparison those are pretty pathetic.