It's ALL Grey Area

Before I became a parent, I thought it was all cut and dry, black and white- the whole raising kids thing. Having one with autism kinda threw me a curve ball, nothing is black and white, it's more a sloppy grey soup.


To see these pictures you would think he loves to swim. He was so excited on his first day of swim lessons, he listened and follwed directions and swam like a fish to the point where his teachers thought he should be moved up to the next class. This was one of those highs for sure.

Then boom, next day different story. Second day of lessons, he refuses to even get in the water, crying about how he does not want to go near the "black line". No amount of treats or reassurance could sway him, not even the promise of watching Air Buddies when we got home. In years past I would have pushed and pushed til he got in the water like it or not. But he is 6 now, a big boy, and the bigger he gets the harder it is to physically MAKE him do anything. So I let it be his decision, knowing that Skittles waited in the car for any kids that did their swim lesson, aka L2.


I felt like the meanest mommy on the planet when we got back to the car and L2 got her skittles and he broke down in whimpery tears and cried off and on for almost 2 hours about not getting any. I really hope he changes his mind today and gets in the water (even just a little bit), cause I don't think I can take it again if he doesn't get those skittles.

The older he gets I am learning that I just can never know all the things that go through his mind or the WHYS behind what to me seems an irrational fear or behavior. I expect now when we go out to a store or anywhere really that there will be an incident:

1- He will get upset about something, sometimes something I can pin-point but often not.

2- Some people will stare and wonder why I can't control my kid. A few of them will actually voice this opinion or offer me lots of "suggestions" knowing nothing about what I am dealing with.

3- I will try to stay calm and figure out what to do. If none of this happens, I get to be pleasently surprised.

Alternate #2- Sometimes I will see a lady give me a small knowing glance of sympathy and I can tell that she understands, that she too has been touched my autism and she knows better than to stare or to offer suggestions. Usually she too will have a young boy beside her, but for now her's is calm. As much as I hate to know that there are others out there going through these daily trials, it does help to not feel alone. :)